ArizonaSports.com: No sooner than you can start to wonder, “is Michael Beasley finally getting his shit together?,” he goes and gets busted for doing 26 miles over the limit in an unregistered vehicle with a suspended license and a gun in the console. To his credit, the notorious weed smoker passed a sobriety test and somehow managed to basically smooth talk his way out of the predicament. According to the police report, he was allowed to leave the scene on foot with nothing more than a simple speeding citation.
The Diss: In other Michael Beasley [old] news, here’s the greatest article you’ll ever read in your life.
Ball Don’t Lie: Somehow, Russell Westbrook can wear the things he wears during press conferences but the injured Joakim Noah can’t wear a hooded sweater on the bench during a game. So basically the NBA forced its players to go the hipster route with their dress code and now they’re mad at Noah for dressing marginally hipster-ish. Typically I’d be the last person to come out in support of Joakim Noah’s fashion sense, but this whole ordeal simply bewilders me. I mean, the NBA allowed him to get drafted looking like this… and now they’re going to tell him he can’t wear a sweater? As far as all these metrosexual fashion trends, I believe the NBA made their bed and now they ought to sleep in it.
The Brooklyn Game: Andray Blatche aka “Teddy Dray” aka “Dray Bear” took it back to third grade and dished out Valentines to all of his teammates. On Joe Johnson’s card, Blatche wrote “P.S. Try Harder,” which is basically the pot telling the kettle to stop being black.
The Basketball Jones: JR Smith made a hilarious attempt to crash a peewee game at halftime of the Knicks’ blowout win over the Pistons, but none of the kids would throw him the ball. Mike Breen suggested that the kids knew JR wouldn’t pass it back, but I think it’s because they’d just watched him fire an airball from the free-throw line.
Bucksketball: This selection is a couple weeks old, but it’s no worse for the wear. In it, the Bucksketball team turns the entire Milwaukee Bucks roster into Spiderman villains. Yes, photoshop is involved. Be sure to swallow your drink before you look at the picture of Larry Sanders.
Grantland: I’m kind of giving this one a blind link, but it’s about Jimmy Butler Buckets, who deserves to be talked about right now with his 15 PPG average over Chicago’s last 11 games. It’s also from Grantland, so it’s going to be effectively written.
Warriors World: Jarrett Jack’s favorite rapper is 2 Chainz. His hero is Stephon Marbury. His jump shot is comparable to a chair. Somehow, he still comes off as both an intelligent basketball player and a perfectly reasonable human being. As Stromile Swift’s #1 fan and an avid southern rap listener, I feel that this gives me hope.
Daily Herald: Speaking of the Stro Show, his name actually popped up in an article yesterday — an article that wasn’t entitled “the top 10 draft busts of all-time.” Along with the likes of Patrick O’Bryant, Mikki Moore, and Shelden Williams, the author suggested that maybe Swift would be a candidate to sign a 10-day with the Bulls. I highly doubt that Stromile is even on any team’s radar at this point, but maybe John Paxson is still swooning over this. Weirder things have happened, I suppose.
SI.com: Most referees will put up with their fair share of crap. After all, maintaining order amongst pissed off players and coaches is basically part of their job description. That said, officials generally don’t take kindly to being told that to “stop acting like a female,” as that insinuates that they are all as terrible as one Violet Palmer.