Long ago, my mother taught me to accept the fact that life isn’t fair. Though I couldn’t stand her for it at the time, I sincerely believe that this valuable lesson in tough love has made me a better person. I like to think of myself as one who doesn’t whine and complain about trivial matters, and I think I’m generally appreciative of the wonderful things I’ve been blessed to have.
That being said, I’ve got a bone to pick with the Boston Celtics. I’ve been to a number Celtics games — probably 25, at least — and the Fleet Center/TD Banknorth Garden is the only NBA arena I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting. The seats are comfortable enough, the pizza tastes good, and a security guard refrained from arresting me when I once left my section to procure an autograph from Stromile Swift. All in all, I’ve enjoyed each of my experiences there. However, I look at other venues around the league and I think it’s incredibly lame that the best thing I’ve ever been given for being one of the first however many fans in attendance (and I’m ALWAYS one of the first however many fans in attendance) is a goddamn towel. A green towel that bled its dye all over my hands and had no practical use. Meanwhile, I take note of what other early birds are getting at the turnstyles — t-shirts, figurines, various trinkets, and, best of all, bobbleheads — and I feel as though I’ve been shortchanged.
I freaking love bobbleheads. I got my first one when I was 16 (Stromile Swift, of course), and I still find myself buying them from time to time. My eclectic collection includes Allen Iverson, Keon Clark, Ricky Davis, Eddy Curry, and Ray Allen, among others. Monetarily speaking, I’m well aware that this collection doesn’t hold much value. For me, that isn’t the point. I have my investments and I have my bobbleheads, but I’ve never thought it a worthwhile strategy to try and make them one and the same. What does any of this have to do with anything, you wonder? Don’t worry, I’m getting to that.
In December of 2010, the Chicago Bulls had a Carlos Boozer bobblehead night. On that night, an unspecified number of fans were not only lucky enough to receive a free souvenir, but to watch Boozer drop 29 and 12 in a victory over the Thunder. Remember, this is back when Boozer was Chicago’s brand new All-Star acquisition, so his bobblehead was totally something to have, and this was all pretty exciting. Things have obviously changed since then, though, and considering the current situation… it pains me to ponder the ultimate fates of these bobbleheads.
Fortunately, at least one of them has managed to survive somehow. Even more fortunately, it found its way into the hands of Boozer’s silliest teammate, Nate Robinson. Although Nate and Carlos weren’t teammates last season, Robinson remembered Boozer’s “Sharpie” hair from last winter, and it inspired him to do something absolutely hilarious. From his Instagram, via Ball Don’t Lie:
***Before picture of the bobblehead in its original, bald condition.
Needless to say, excellent work here by Nate Robinson. I wonder if he’d like to donate his masterpiece to my collection? I’d certainly be delighted to have it… or any other free bobblehead, for that matter. I imagine that I must be the only person on Earth with a bobblehead collection that has been 100% purchased, and I put the entirety of the blame for that on the Boston Celtics organization. Have a damn bobblehead night, Boston! That f@cking towel you gave me was on some Donald Sterling super-stingy-type sh!t.