But it wasn’t. You remember the 2009 dunk contest, don’t you? It’s that one you didn’t like for a variety of reasons: JR Smith dunked like exactly what he was… an injury replacement. Rudy Fernandez elected to have a center throw his off-the-back-of-the-glass lob. Nate Robinson did that thing that you and your buddy do at the YMCA… and the judges bought it. Dwight Howard smiled too much, and his shirt was too tight.
Oh yeah, that dunk contest! Yeah dude, that one kinda sucked!
Why yes, yes it did (just like the music in that video. Leave the screwing and chopping to Michael Watts, please)… and this is coming from a guy who tends to enjoy the dunk contest for what it is: an overly-flamboyant, somewhat-forced display of creativity and athleticism (at the end of which the most deserving contestant often takes an L).
Anyway, as you saw either when it happened or in the video above, Nate Robinson was crowned the champion (by the fans, 52%-48% over Dwight) for clearing none other than Howard himself. He utilized a VC-on-Weiss-esque boost with the off arm, but it was a pretty nice dunk. I don’t really care how you do it… to clear a man over a foot taller than you… that’s an impressive feat. Still, we all know why Nate won: he’s 5′whatever. He’s probably about the same height as the average fan voter. Once the judges put him in the finals, despite some whack first-round slamming, it was a wrap. Sucky contest overall, for sure.
This dunk contest didn’t have to suck, though, and I’m gonna tell you why: Mike Taylor. And James White, and Gerald Green.
Mike Taylor, you say? Yeah, Mike Taylor. A 6’2 rookie PG for the Clipps (at the time) with spring-loaded action going on in his legs. You may recall that he threw down one of the most impressive dunks of the ’08/09 season during a match up with Memphis that me and five or six other people tuned in for…
One helluva dunk, right? Yeah… and he executed that with two defenders present. Observe what the young man was capable of with a free path to the iron…
So, let’s throw Mike Taylor into Rudy Fernandez’s spot seeing as Rudy never should’ve been there in the first place (dumbass fans voted him in on account of his whiteness). Taylor’s got about five inches on Nate Rob, but 6’2 is plenty short enough to garner the “little guy advantage” in a dunk contest. Taylor pulls out something decent, followed by that off the floor between the legs? I’m thinkin’ Nate gets sent packing with his jump-off-the-defender’s-back-like-a-scraggly-haired-white-kid tomfoolery.
As for JR Smith… well, he simply seemed disinterested. Maybe he figured he’d already shown us his best…
…and even that wasn’t enough. Who the hell knows with JR Smith… dude could’ve eaten too many gummy bears in practice and suffered a tummy ache or some sh!t. Anyway, he didn’t need to be involved. Neither did Rudy Gay, the guy JR was replacing. Don’t get me wrong here; Rudy is sick, but he’s no Gerald Green or James White when it comes to contest dunking. Gerald was on a roster–Houston’s, I think–at the time, so he was eligible. He was coming off two excellent performances in a row, too. I don’t love gimmicks, but I f@ck with the cupcake dunk… that was ill because he clearly blew it out.
So, now we’ve got Gerald Green doing his thing in the place of the disinterested Smith, and little dude Mike Taylor showing up Nate Rob in place of Rudy Fernandez, who’s far too European for this sh!t. The only Euro I ever want to see in the NBA dunk contest is Walter Herrmann (yes, I’m aware that Argentina is nowhere near Europe. No, I will not stop calling white non-American NBA players who aren’t from Europe “Euros”). Why?
That’s why. Anywho, Nate Rob vs Mike Taylor for the little-guy crown and Dwight vs Gerald with the creativity and freakish ups… that could’ve been an incredible contest, right? Damn straight. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that James White was almost eligible to compete. He was dominating the D-League at the time, and got called up by the Rockets less than a month too late. Had James White been in it… damn, it could’ve been the best contest ever. Due to the fact that his tool box contains little more than a jet pack, White was forced to show his stuff in the ’09 D-League dunk contest.
It doesn’t even look real, does it? Unbelievable.
So, there you have it… the 2009 NBA Dunk Contest; it sucked, but it didn’t have to suck. What the NBA could learn from my assessment: don’t let fans vote on anything, ever. They won’t f@cking get it right. Don’t put white guys in dunk contests unless their last name is Barry, and for God’s sake, if James White is ever anywhere near the NBA ever again, get him involved in this sh!t. PLEASE!
Final thought: was there a reason that Fernandez wore red shorts and a black jersey?
Final final thought: you’re probably wondering what the heck inspired me to write a post about the 2009 NBA dunk contest at 3 o’clock in the morning. Well, funny story… I reached into my t-shirt pile and grabbed the one that said “Clippers.” I thought it was Eric Gordon, but then I realized it had the number 4 on it. I completely forgot that I have this awesome Mike Taylor t-shirt! What a find!
