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Unlike the Dos Equis man, Wally Szczerbiak’s words do not carry weight that would break a less interesting man’s jaw.  However, his sentiments on Kevin Garnett do hold a certain amount of significance simply because the two were teammates in Minnesota for the better part of seven seasons.  Although they were together for what seemed like an eternity in NBA years, maybe the two weren’t the best of buds.  During the latter stages of tonight’s Celtic loss, Szczerbiak tweeted the following…

Well damn.

For the record, Garnett misfired on five of his last six field goal attempts and also recorded a turnover with just over a minute left in overtime.  He did connect on six key free throws as he scored 10 fourth-quarter points, though.

Despite the late giveaway and a variety of missed shots I didn’t feel that Garnett was particularly unclutch today, making Szczerbiak’s tweet a rather surprising one.  Even if he was just doing his analyst job (it seems that he works for CBS Sports these days)… I don’t know… I guess I just feel like dudes tend to go easier on former teammates.

Also for the record, a Youtube search of “Wally Szczerbiak game winner” fails to deliver any results.  A search of “Kevin Garnett game winner” brings about a few clutch buckets on the first page alone.  I’m not sayin’ The Big Ticket is the my number-one choice to take the last shot, but what I am sayin’ is that I’ll take the dude over Wally Szczerbiak—now, or 10 years ago.

My first thought upon seeing this photo of an oddly-dressed DeShawn Stevenson posing next to his personal ATM machine was that nothing pictured in it really surprised me.  Then I simply wondered, why? While it may seem like a stupid question—to draw money, duh!—most people just go to the bank to do that.  Who even thinks to actually put a money machine inside of their kitchen?  I suppose those with as much disposable income as DeShawn Stevenson probably think a little differently than we regular folks do, but maybe there’s deeper reasoning behind the mysterious placement of this ATM.

What if everything in DeShawn Stevenson’s kitchen costs money? Being a young, crazy, rich dude, one would assume Stevenson has a lot of house guests.  Could his refrigerator be more like a vending machine?  For instance, say you visit DeShawn’s home (something I’d love to do after seeing this photograph), and you feel a bit parched.  You’d probably like a nice, cold glass of orange juice.  Well, at DeShawn Stevenson’s house, orange juice costs a dollar.  In case you don’t have a dollar to give DeShawn Stevenson, you can hit up the ATM on the other side of the room.

Even if DeShawn isn’t collecting a few extra bucks as a vendor during his own house parties, maybe the ATM serves another purpose.  Could Stevenson have become tired of serving as a human bank?  Behind every rich dude there seems to be a gathering of so-called friends looking to pick up some spare change, so maybe this is Stevenson’s way of letting his groupies know that they best be prepared to hit up their own bank accounts when they hang with him.  DeShawn Stevenson is familiar with Antoine Walker, people, and he isn’t trying to play in Puerto Rico when he retires.

Or, maybe it’s a special ATM that dispenses Monopoly-type money?  Imagine how cool it would be if DeShawn Stevenson’s home was like an arcade, and it contained items priced in a unique currency featuring his own face on the money.  Yeah, now you really want to visit his house, don’t you?

Official –Swag-O-Meter– Rating:

4/5

Whatever the case may be, I think it’s safe to say the possibilities relating to this ATM enter into a realm above and beyond conventional banking.  I mean, this is DeShawn Stevenson we’re talking about, here.  From tattoos to household decor, the man doesn’t do anything conventionally.  Kinda makes you wonder what the hell else he’s got in his house…

Basketball Jones: New shirt ideas for Russell Westbrook.  May I suggest one with his red glasses on it?  You know, to match his red glasses.  It’ll be funny because the shirt will have as many lenses as the actual glasses: none.

Eight Points, Nine Seconds: Should Indiana sell high on the 22-year-old Paul George?  Good thing Larry Bird is the Executive of the Year, ’cause that’s a tough one.  I do think it’ll be difficult for George to reach his ceiling (however high it may be) playing alongside Danny Granger, simply because I think he’s a natural small forward.

Yahoo!: LeBron’s game log.  Take a look at those last four games… do a little creative math… compare the numbers to a bench warmer’s season totals.  F@cking incredible.

Youtube: I’m on the west side of Chicago, lookin’ for a bussdown, make me put my two arms up, touchdown!

Bucksketball: Scott Skiles will probably be coaching the Milwaukee Bucks next season, but if he isn’t, the Magic just may have found their new grumpy guy.  If that doesn’t work out they ought to just re-hire Brian Hill for a third tenure.

CSNNE: Doc Rivers believes his technical foul from game one is “the worst [he's] ever had.“  I agree, Doc.  That call sucked almost as much as your team did.

USA Today: Kyle Lowry is no longer interested in playing for Kevin McHale, and if I’m the Rockets I really don’t care, ’cause I prefer Goran Dragic anyway.  Remember, Goran had that team rolling in March (I think it was March, right?).  Things got ugly when Lowry came back and the two of them were forced to share the reigns.  As their season went down the tubes it became clear that Houston would have to make a choice, and I think this just makes that choice easier.

Statesman.com: Stephen Jackson is second only to Ivan Johnson in the field of awesome quote making.  For example: “I love being nasty, especially on the court. That’s my name. Stephen Nasty Jackson.”

Sportando: Stephon Marbury not wanting to return to the NBA is old, irrelevant news.  However, he’s just offered us a new, interesting explanation which cites the NBA’s collective lack of feelings.

InsideHoops: I can’t come up with anything good for the tenth spot, so here’s a little snippet about Von Wafer being waived by the Magic.  Did you know Von’s real name is Vakeaton Quamar Wafer?  Now you do.

The Spurs may very well have played their worst half in 19 games in the Western Finals opener… and they still won.  It didn’t even come down to a buzzer beater, and it didn’t take overtime, either.  After turning the ball over 14 times in the first 24 minutes, the Spurs bounced back from a nine-point third quarter deficit to take game one on their home floor, 101-98.  It really wasn’t all that close—the Thunder had been on the ropes for the final three or four minutes and a meaningless three at the buzzer split the margin in half.

From a Thunder perspective, it’s a discouraging loss.  Tony Parker looked a bit out of sorts while Derek Fisher made six of eight shots.  Tim Duncan needed 15 attempts to score 16 points, and three-point marksman Danny Green went 0-5 from long range.  Very un-Spurs-like indeed, but thanks in large part to Manu Ginobili, who played his best game of the playoffs (26 points and 5 rebounds), the Spurs put up 39 points in the fourth quarter alone.  Oklahoma City’s youth and athleticism seemed to have tripped up the veterans of San Antonio in the early going, but the Spurs’ total of two second-half giveaways speaks for their ability to adjust.

As the Lakers did in game two of the Western Semis, the Thunder have now dropped a winnable game.  When the task at hand is to win four of seven, that’s killer; especially when the other team is better.

I don’t feel that Oklahoma City did anything to boggle San Antonio in game one.  Yeah, their energy and athleticism led to some miscues, but the Spurs just seemed to lack rhythm for the better part of the first three quarters.  Open shots didn’t go in, basic passes weren’t completed, and two of the big three were unable to get rolling.  All of these oddities and the Thunder still can’t pull it off?  I don’t think that bodes well for Bricktown.

Now, it wouldn’t be unfair to say the Thunder didn’t play their best game, either.  Russell Westbrook was pretty awful (7-21, 17 points) and Kevin Durant failed to score a field goal in the final 17 minutes.  James Harden made two of his seven shots after the game had already been decided, and Serge Ibaka was a non-factor.  I think these problems are far more likely to carry over than San Antonio’s, though.  Russell Westbrook is going to have another off night or two, and Kevin Durant will have to deal with Kawhi Leonard and Stephen Jackson all series long.  Serge Ibaka can’t guard Tim Duncan, and Manu Ginobili is a… well… more experienced, balding James Harden.  San Antonio’s role players—guys like Gary Neal, Tiago Splitter, Boris Diaw, and Matt Bonner—will consistently outplay OKC’s collection of spare parts, and Gregg Popovich will continue to provide inspiration that goes above and beyond “we’ll be fine” (is it just me or does Scott Brooks say that sh!t during every interview?).

Let’s face it, folks: even if the Thunder had won last night they’d still be just a home loss away from relinquishing the advantage they would’ve earned.  A blown opportunity will simply put them on the lake a day or two sooner.

Note: Stephen Jackson’s clutch three-pointer was probably my favorite moment of the 2012 playoffs thus far.  This postseason hasn’t yet done much for me, but I can always get down with a dagger from Captain Jack.

Note #2: How f@cking fantastic was this Manu Ginobili ball fake?

The process wasn’t always..er..wasn’t ever pretty, but after seven grueling games of sub-40-percent shooting and abysmal Andre Iguodala free throwing the Miami Heat finally have an Eastern Finals opponent: the Boston Celtics, whom they disposed of in five brief games just over a year ago.

I, like many, gave the Sixers something similar to an ice cube’s chance in hell to win last night’s game seven.  I’ve seen too many high seed/low seed game sevens, such as Phoenix/LA in ’06, Boston/Atlanta in ’08, Boston/Chicago in ’09, LA/Houston in ’09, and LA/Denver just a few weeks ago to ignore the trend; the home team (normally the better team and always the higher seed) wins… pretty much all the time… and usually by a lot of points.  So, when asked about my expectations of the latest eight seed/four seed duel, I told folks that I’d be surprised if Philadelphia lost by anything less than 10 points.  I mean, let’s face it, Philly—you’ve been essentially unable to compete in games during which Boston has actually put together a start-to-finish effort of any consequence.  This was game seven, and it was in Boston.  Kevin Garnett would’ve had Rajon Rondo’s entire family receiving curse-laden hate mail for the rest of eternity had he plodded through game seven as he did game six.  It just wasn’t happening.

It was clear from the jump that Boston had come to play some defense.  The aggressiveness in their rotations was a sharp contrast from Thursday evening, and all of that dribble penetration Philadelphia had previously been able to achieve was nipped in the bud (Holiday, Williams, and Turner finished a combined 10-34 from the field).  Although they bounced back nicely from a 1-10 start, the Sixers led for mere seconds, and never held any advantage beyond the first quarter.  Although they were as close as one in the latter stages of the third, missed free throws, uncharacteristic turnovers, and the allowance of some key Boston scores kept them from ever clearing that final hurdle.  When the Cs appeared most vulnerable—up just three at the 4:16 mark of the fourth, when Paul Pierce fouled out on an offensive charge—Rajon Rondo, who had been a bit quiet in the early going, stepped up and scored nine points on four straight possessions, making it a 10-point game with just a minute to play.  Rondo sparked the run with a clever driving layup, then stuck two long jumpers (one of which was a three) before knocking down a couple of free throws.

Impressively, Rondo also took care of the glass work during his individual spurt.  He snatched a pair of boards between scores to give himself his ninth career playoff triple-double.  Although it wasn’t his best game from start to finish, he came up big when he was needed the most.  I suppose that’s all that matters, and you wouldn’t know he’d gotten off to a slow start based on his 18 points, 10 rebounds, and 10 assists (although the 7 turnovers do hint at some struggles).

The final score, 85-75, did hold true to my 10-plus prediction.  Things may have been a tad bit tighter than expected, but it’s still off to South Beach for the Celtics, who won’t have much time to sun bath before game one, which tips off in approximately 21 hours.  Will KG, Ray Ray, Rajon, and the Captain fare any better than they did a year ago, when Miami had the help of Chris Bosh?  Well, maybe… as in they might win two games instead of one.  I don’t see them defeating the Heat and making one last trip to the Finals, though.

Why not, you say?  Well, the simplest of explanations happens to be my argument of choice: LeBron James and Dwyane Wade.  Assuming the two of them continue to play anything like they have over the past three games (maybe that’s not a safe assumption, but I’m going to roll with it anyway), I don’t see how they can be beaten by a team which was unable to post an average of 90 points per game against the Philadelphia 76ers.  Remember, the Heat have always hung their hat on their defense.  With a hobbled Ray Allen, a depleted bench unit, and an inconsistent Rondo… I just don’t feel that this Celtics squad can produce enough points to win the series if D-Wade and LBJ are gonna be out there collaborating on 70-point efforts every single night.

Thinking the stingy defense of the Celtics is going to prevent those 70-point nights from happening?  Well, maybe, but consider this: although the Celtics do boast a far more reputed defense than the Pacers, they don’t have a 7’2″ behemoth blocking better than three shots per game.

Sorry, Celtics fans, but I just don’t see the incredible ride rolling on any further.  I’ll say it ends in Boston in game number six.

From Russell Westbrook’s fishin’ fit to Nick Young’s… ensemble, these playoffs have certainly produced their share of unthinkably-ridiculous fashion statements.  Pink pants, though?  Not even in the current day of skinny jeans and lens-less hipster specs have I come across any ball player brazen enough to leave his home wearing hot-pink, tight-fitting pantaloons.  And, as if to suggest that the florescent britches weren’t quite flamboyant enough for an occasion such as a potential series-clinching affair, Dwyane tacked on a subtle touch of what the f@ck is he thinking in the form of a bandana wrapped around his wrist.

Did Gabrielle tie that sh!t for you, Dwyane, or did you execute a google search?  From whose closet did the majority of these items come from?  Was the man purse really necessary here?

Official –Swag-O-Meter– Rating:

0/5

You should be ashamed of yourself, Dwyane.  Forty-one points, ten rebounds, and all those awesome bank shots be damned; you’ve brought a laughable degree of swaglessness upon us, and you’ve done so during a time of great struggle.  Despite Allen Iverson’s best efforts, I think it’s safe to say we’re doomed.

On Wednesday afternoon, Rajon Rondo was named to his fourth consecutive All-Defensive team.  On Wednesday evening, Jrue Holiday and the Philadelphia 76ers dribble penetrated Rondo’s Celtics to death, sending the ugliest semifinals series in recent history to a seventh game.  Please, Boston, get your sh!t together.  I like Philly’s personnel, but they lost all three of their match ups with Miami this season by an average of 14 points.  Despite their consistently-inconsistent play, I feel like the Celtics might be able to make the Conference Finals at least a tad bit interesting.  The Sixers could realistically be eliminated by the broom.

Anyway, as we march toward the game that could be the big three’s last, Rondo is at the center of discussion.  “Game seven is all about Rondo,” says Tim Legler.  “Rondo giveth and Rondo taketh away,” states the Boston Globe.  “Wednesday night’s sixth game was not vintage Rondo,” notes the Philadelphia Inquirer.

It’s as if Rondo’s inconsistency is news.  I’m not even going to go there… but what I am going to point out is this: I’ve not come across a single character about Rajon’s game-six defense.  I’ll begin with eight: t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e.

All game long Phildelphia’s guards were granted access to the paint.  Jrue Holiday, Lou Williams, and Evan Turner treated their defenders like turnstyles, easily and repeatedly puncturing Boston’s first line of defense.  Hubie Brown cited the impact of Philly’s dribble drives throughout the game, and really harped on it down the stretch.  Brown’s assessment of the action was right on the money.  Holiday, Williams, and Turner either scored or assisted on all but one of Philadelphia’s eight fourth-quarter field goals.  The only exception was a jumper netted by Elton Brand, which just so happened to be set up by an Andre Iguodala drive and kick.

All of this dribble penetration ultimately led to 42 paint points, 28 free throws, and 22 assists.  Jrue Holiday commandeered the attack with 20 and 6, Lou Williams produced 11 and 6 off the bench, and Evan Turner was good for 12 and 4 (a combined 43 and 16).  Rajon Rondo spent time defending all three of these dudes, and all three of ‘em made easy work of blowing right by him (Exhibits A, B, and C).

Now, don’t get me wrong here—it wasn’t all Rondo’s fault.  Ray Allen got burned multiple times (kind of understandable due to his ankle situation), as did Mickael Pietrus (not understandable at all considering his role).  I’m simply choosing to single out Rondo because of his defensive reputation.  He may not have asked for said reputation, but he’s got it, as evidenced by the aforementioned All-Defense selections.  Rondo is an elite defender in the minds of many, and this… I simply fail to understand.

Yes, Rondo does finish at the top of the steals list every single season.  He’s very effective in playing passing lanes and turning loose balls into transition opportunities.  However, when it comes to staying in front of his man (the most important aspect of perimeter defense) he’s anything but elite.  Avery Bradley, his new backcourt mate, is infinitely better in this regard.  When discussing game six, to say the absence of Bradley shone like Birdman’s diamonds would be an understatement.

So, I think it’s absolutely fair to say Rondo’s D failed the Celtics on the day of his latest All-Defense selection.  I figured this would come up as a predictable postgame storyline, but I guess no one noticed.  I suppose the fact that Kobe’s still making these f@cking defensive squads just goes to show that it’s all about reputation.  Once you’ve built that rep, you’re in for life—as long as you remain an effective offensive player.

Funny how that works.