As you know, this past Monday was media day for 26 of the NBA’s 30 teams. It was a little hectic, but I did my best to keep up with all the goings-on from Portland to Toronto. Having taken the time to examine the photos, consider the quotes, and account for all the weight gains and losses, it’s time to for us to recognize the very best of media day. In order to do this in the most effective (and entertaining) way possible, I’ve come up with 10 different awards that span a variety of categories. I think you’ll find that these accolades reflect the very essence of media day, which needs not be explained to the NBA fan.
Now, let us begin the First Annual NBA Media Day Awards, presented by your favorite blog on the internet, NBA247365.COM…
Twenty Pounds Of Muscle Award
To the player who claims to have gained 20 lbs. of muscle
Vince Carter Award
To the player who fails to look tough despite scowling and posing with a deflated and/or shredded basketball.
Robert Swift Award
To the player who looks nothing like he did six months ago.
Quote of the Day
“I don’t flop.” —Anderson Varejao
Big Aristotle Award
To the player who gives himself the best nickname.
Josh Smith, AKA “Mid-Range Shawty.” That’s Smoove’s shot chart from the 2011 Playoffs, by the way.
‘Sheed Wallace Award
To the player who exhibits the most overconfidence and/or makes the most ridiculous guarantee.
“We have a team that’s winning the title” —Andray Blatche
Not A Single Damn Given Award
To the player who shows up in yellow running shoes with no socks.
Jerome James Award
To the player with a sizable contract who joins his new team 50 pounds overweight.
Samuel Dalembert & Lamar Odom
To the player who probably thinks Jay-Z’s best album is the one he did with Kanye.
Iman Shumpert, who proved to be the ultimate hipster by rocking a high-top fade, sporting orange Adidas, and freestyle rapping (poorly).
The Biggest Loser
To the player who claims to have dropped the most weight.
Enes Kanter, 51 pounds. Read about his extreme dietary changes here.