1/30/11: The NBA On ABC Sucks

With football fading out of the picture, Sunday afternoons are now reserved for the NBA on ABC.  I tuned in for both games yesterday and quickly remembered just how annoying ABC’s broadcasts are.  I can’t even pinpoint exactly what it is that I can’t stand about the way they present a ball game… I think it’s a mixture of a lot of things.  First of all, their theme music blows.  Give me this or this, please.  At least they did get rid of this.  Good God, I almost boycotted the games during that era.  In addition to the lowsy music, I think it has something to do with all the cursive fonts they use.  Has anyone else noticed that?  I feel like they try to make everything look elegant or some sh!t…  this is SPORTS, not a goddamn prom!  Blood, sweat, and tears!  I feel like they almost set the tone for the presentations that we see far too often on the court.  What do I mean by that?  Well, if you watched yesterday’s Celtics/Lakers game you probably observed how poor the officiating was, and you probably also observed how the cameramen spent far too much time panning the crowd looking for the same old celebrities for us to oooh and aweee over.  They even interviewed a few of them while the game was going on!  Oh, Adam Sandler has a new movie?  That’s wonderful, is it Billy Madison?  No?  Then I don’t give a flying f@ck, get him off the screen!  It seems to me like far too many nationally televised NBA games turn out this way: poorly officiated, and poorly presented.  A few quick fixes? 

  • Don’t assign Violette Palmer and Joey f@cking Crawford to officiate games that fans are going to see.  Why couldn’t those two dolts have been sent to the Cleveland Cavaliers game, where it would be impossible to blow enough calls to influence the outcome?
  • Hire some competent commentators.  Jeff Van Gundy is a comedic genius, keep him.  Hubie Brown is alright, you can keep him too.  Everyone else?  Send ‘em packing.  For some reason, Mike Breen doesn’t bother me until he’s on national TV.  He can do all the Knicks games he wants.  Mark Jackson is painful to listen to, he’s gotta go.  I’m not a fan of Mike Tirico, either.
  • Don’t want to find new commentators?  Ok then, just cut the volume on the current ones and turn some of the other sounds up.  Denver Nuggets games on the Altitude network are a blast to watch because they crank the mics on the rim.  When you watch a game on Altitude, you’ll notice that Melo drops four letter words every time he goes to the rack, and you’ll hear Kenyon Martin stutter as he screams ”GET THAT SH!T OUTTA HERE!” loud and clear every time he swats a shot.  Also, that beautiful rim-snapping noise that I love so much is amplified on every dunk.

Basically, I feel like ABC won’t just let NBA basketball be what it is… a basketball game.  They feel the need to turn it into a show.  Maybe they feel that’s what needs to be done to hold the interest of the casual fans, and that fanatics like me will just suffer through whatever they put on the screen.  They’re probably right.  Bastards.

Random Observations:

  • Highlight Recap: A strong top 10 has pretty much got you covered today.  You may want to hit the mute button, though.  The narrator is in rare form.  What’s gotten into Danilo Gallinari?  He’s been throwing down dunks left and right lately.  Oh, and I love how they had to force Kobe in there.  Nice little 10-foot jumper, sick highlight. 
  • Lowlight Recap: My least favorite player in the association will now show you how he earned that position…

 

  • Paul Pierce scored 32 points on 11-18 as the Celtics beat the Lakers 109-96 in LA.  The game was really far closer than the final score makes it appear.  The Lakers led by four at the break, and trailed by just five entering the final period.  The Cs didn’t blow it wide open until the final half of the fourth period.  Kobe Bryant scored 41 points, although he did have to take 29 shots to get them.  A 16-29 afternoon isn’t what I’d call bad, that’s over 50 percent shooting, but it’s not really a winning formula against a great team like Boston.  Bryant was kind of forced to go one on five because his  key teammates were M.I.A.  During his in-game interview, Phil Jackson pointed out that Ron Artest didn’t show up (1-10, his man had 32).  Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum were quiet all night long (combined for 23 points and 13 boards, Pau played soft).  Lamar Odom had a decent night with 15/5 in 27 minutes, but he certainly wasn’t a game changer.  Unlike the Lakers, the Cs got contributions from a variety of sources.  Ray Allen knocked down a couple big triples on his way to 21 points.  Rajon Rondo made a few passes that had me scratching my head, but did manage to dish 16 dimes.  Kevin Garnett made 9 of 12 shots as he recorded 18 points and 13 boards.  Nate Robinson and Big Baby collaborated for 24 points off the bench.  As a team, Boston shot 60 percent from the floor, almost 16 percent better than the Lakers.  LA is normally a much stronger team on the boards, but not in this game.  Boston was outrebounded offensively by just one, even with LA missing a lot more shots.  My final impression: Celtics fans, be happy, but don’t get too excited.  If the finals turn out to be a rematch, the Lakers won’t play this poorly.
  • Oklahoma City finally lost a close game, and Miami finally won one.  OKC had won each of their last five games either in overtime or by five points or less.  Miami, on the other hand, was something like 2-7 in games decided by five or less coming into this one.  The Heat were about 25 seconds from making it 2-8, but Eddie House was insistent upon showing America just how big his balls are:

  • Great rebound by Mike Miller, who had to come all the way from three-point land to get in position, and a nice extra pass by LeBron James, who had 13 assists on the night.  He also had 23 points on 7 of 14.  Dwyane Wade led Miami with 32 (and nine boards).  The Heat shot 52 percent from the field, and they kind of had to, because they coughed the ball up 20 times, resulting in 34 Thunder points.  Kevin Durant was OKC’s leading scorer with 33.  Jeff Green had 23, and Rusell Westbrook had 21.  None of the three shot 50 percent, and they all needed 20 or more shots to reach those totals. 
  • I’ve figured out why the Knicks have sucked for so long: all these random players save their ridiculous games for Madison Square Garden.  Or maybe it was Isiah Thomas.  Anywho, Ben Gordon made 7 of 11 triples last night as he scored a season-high 31, but his Pistons still lost 124-106.  Rookie center Greg Monroe also had a big night with 15 points and 17 boards, but his brilliance was overshadowed by another rookie big man, Timofey Mozgov.  Mozgov had The Garden chanting his name with a 23-point, 14-board performance off the bench.  Amare Stoudemire led NY with 33 points and Danilo Gallinari had 29, but it was Mozgov’s night.  I was happy for the guy… he’d been glued to the bench ever since Blake Griffin used his face for a launch pad. 
  • The other games: It took 26 minutes for Dwight Howard to rack up 20/20 on the Cavaliers.  Damn Dwight, that’s kinda slow.  Ryan Anderson needed 30 to get his 23/16.  Cleveland was beaten 24 to 6 on the offensive glass and lost by 16… that’s 20 in a row.  Six Sixers scored in double figures as they beat the Nuggets 110-99.  Carmelo Anthony went 3-12 for 12 points.  Marcin Gortat made 9 of 10 shot attempts, scored 25 points, and grabbed 11 boards as the Suns beat the Hornets by two.  Utah continues to sputter… they’ve slipped to 28-20 with a 96-81 loss to Golden State.  How the hell do you shoot 37 percent and score 81 points against the Warriors, even without Deron Williams?  Monta Ellis went 1-9 and scored just two points in the strange victory.  Stephen Curry had 27.

Quote of the Day: Kevin Durant on Chris Bosh…

“I was talking to my teammate and [Bosh]  decided he wanted to put his two cents into it. I am a quiet guy, laid-back guy, but I’m not going to let nobody talk trash to me. He’s on a good team now so he thinks he can talk a little bit. There are a lot of fake tough guys in this league and he’s one of them.”

“I’m no punk. I wasn’t even talking to him first off. He decided to butt in and I’m not going to just let that slide. Especially in our house. Like I said, he’s not one of those guys I look at and say he has a rep for talking back to guys or getting into it. He’s a nice guy. I’m not going to let that type of person say something to me like that.”

So Bosh is a fake tough guy, but he isn’t known for running his mouth, and he’s a nice guy, and that’s why you’re mad that he was talkin’ smack?  I’m confused.  Anyway, I don’t see how Chris Bosh can be a “fake tough guy”, because I don’t think he’s ever come off as being overly ”tough”. 

Photo of the Day: JJ Hickson makes a statement…

“My team will go down 20 times in a row, but I will NOT be posterized by Hedo Turkeyglue!”

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